Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Hey, you sons of a motherless goat!!

My A W E S O M E band has decided to grace you pitiful fools with more total greatness. Unfortunatly, this stuff was made when I moved, so I had no part in it, which is lame, because some of it is really really good and funny. Just click the link, if I get it to work. If not, cut and paste that shit, homies! Keep in mind most of this stuff is NSFW (Do you crazy englishmen have work in england?), so only listen if you don't really like your job (Anyone who gets fired for listening can come live with the band for free, forever). I reccomend "I Hope I Die", "God N'Things[sic]", "Flingin' Kittens" and "Crazy Drinkin' Song (Beirut?)"

Did I spell bay-ROOT right? Whatever.

Squelch Gun Forever!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Adventure Time!

Sadly, I have to keep this short. I went for a ride along with my cop brother-in-law. Lets just hit the high points.

1. Talking with my brother-in-law about different Washington laws, and how to best avoid cops.

2. Crazy drunk guy lighting a 30-ft (ten meters for you fellas across the ocean) and the trying to put it out with a garden hose. Also, he had ten kids, seven of them boys, one with cerebral palsey (sp?) and two with fetal alcohol syndrome. Crazy, crazy.

3. My brother-in-law pulling over a drunk driver who happened to have a loaded .40. No one was shot, however, things were pretty tense for about ten minutes, which is a long time to be thinking, "This could result in me being shot."

Other things happened, but i have no time, no time!


Hey, British Chris, don't you guys call cops "bobbys"? I think i saw it in a movie once.

Friday, June 15, 2007


Alrighty, all five of me readers, lemme 'splain somethin' to ya.

My evil brother-in-law, pirate lover that he is, totally burgalarized my blog and added "Pirates rule!" to the bottom of a recent post.

Let it be known that I in no way support piracy, or aid pirates. I am, always have been, and always will be, a ninja.

Except sometimes when i gotta viking/robot/monster/dinosaur-it-up.

Down with pirates.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Dumbasses at Denny's

So I was at Denny's super stoned, and there was a group of people there at another table. Mid-twenties, probably still living at home, just came from a metal concert where everyone at the mosh was "way too mean." WTF, its metal. Want a pussy mosh? Go to a Jessica Simpson concert. Does she still tour? Whatever.

Anyway, Douchebag 1 (db1) says to db2 "Hey, new waitress. Should we initiate her?"

No joke. As stoned at I was, this sentence burned itself into my memory. Probably because of how dumb it made this asshole sound.

db2: "Naw, man. She doesn't want our initiation."

When did Denny's suddenly become a frat house? And what gives these assholes the right to make this poor lady's night worse?

Don't get me wrong, I know that I have probably made some waitstaff's lives miserable, however, I never set out to do it on purpose.


Pirates Rule!

Friday, June 01, 2007

Pirate Rebuttal

Did I spell rebuttal right? Whatever.

A pirate sent me this message after reading my recent post regarding how totally lame they are, and, in the spirit of fairness, I'm going to put it up, and let the masses decide who is more awesome, the quiet ninja assassin, or the drunken swashbuckling pirate.

Dear Tyler,

I appreciate your input to Pirates vs Ninja's. But I do have one thing to add. Ninja's are gay. You have never seen a ninja with a girl. Pirates have them all over and even take more. Ninja's live at the top of little mountains far away from civilization. That is due to them having the social skills of a cameleon. They rather not be seen by anbody, if they see somebody they try to blend in to their surroundings so as to not be seen. They are sort of like high school computer programming nerds. Every now and then they kill somebody but nobody knows why. Pirates kill people for their riches, gold, BMW's and occasionally for a choco-dile (chocolate covered twinky seen briefly in the 80's).

Pirates might not be as good in battle as Ninja's, but battle isn't everything. Pirates have a good time and know how to party. Ninja's just freeze in the cold, alone, at the top of some mountain nobody has heard of, sharpening their 2 toed boots or swiss army throwing stars, or whatever weapon they have thought of.

Ninja's live to battle, Pirates battle to live (then they party hard). Pirates do avoid ninja's, but that isn't due to their killing ability's......Dead ninja's have nothing to offer. No women to take, no gold, no satellite radio systems.

Take that ninja!!!!

(Name Withheld)