Saturday, July 01, 2006

World Peace

This is a plan I came up with a while ago. I figured I had better write it down before I forgot.

You see, the world is chaotuic, a jumble of religion, culture, and race. No one gets along. People kill each other every day because they don't live the same way, because they have no common link between them. I say: It's time for a change, brothers! It's time for someone to step up and DO something to make this world a livable place! I am that someone. I have a plan! I call my plan Potatoes for Peace!
You see, people are dying of starvation every day. We simply don't have enough food to go around. Sure we send wheat and things to these starving people we teach them how to farm it, however, what the hell can you do with wheat? You need other things in order to make bread, or cereal. Wheat by itself is just grass. What we need to give these people is a crop that they can simply grow and eat. A hearty plant that requires little care or attention. The potato.
However, they need our help as soon as possible. They can't depend on their shaky little crops for at least a few years to support thier villages. The goal of Phase One of my plan is to get a massive crop of potatoes to these people within a year, so they have something to eat while they farm more potatoes.
However, where can we come up with a crop that huge? Where is gthere enough farmable land?
Canada. The second largest country in the world. Our silent, moose-friendly neighbors tot he north. I say: Take 'em over. Move 'em out. Send 'em to Mexico. Its warmer and more pleasant their, anyway. Just remind them to bring bottled water.
So: we have Canada. Its full of trees. We cut 'em all down, and save 'em. I'm sure we can just leave 'em in Montana, since Montana is right next door to Canada. We gotta save 'em, though, 'cause I'm using them later on.
So we have all of Canada to farm on, and farm we will! We'll grow so many potatos that you will be able to see 'em from space. Thats a lot of potatoes. Once their grown, we harvest them, then get ready to ship 'em out.
But not alone! No! We wouldn't send JUST potatoes to these impoverished people. They wouldn't know what to do with the damn things! So Phase Two, we take the trees, cut 'em up, and make recipe book out of them. They'd be specific to the area, too. Like for China, we'd have recipies for rice and potatoes, and for Africa, dirt and potatoes. You know, something they'll recognize.
About now is when people remember the plan was called Potatoes for Peace, and they wonder, "Tyler, how is it these Pizzas will bring about peace?"
Lemme tell ya.
You see, as I pointed out earlier, we are all different people. We are all of a different race, different religion, from different countries, we speak different languages. We eat different foods. However, if we had something to unite us, something like, say POTATOES, then perhaps we could unite. All the hatred in the middle east we die out. Phase Three will be complete. We will be a world united, under a potatoey banner. And thats Potatoes for Peace, the boldest, bravest, and by far sexiest plan to wipe out both world hunger and war forever.
I expect full credit, a Nobel Prize, a black, private helicopter to be named "The Batcopter", and unlimited calls to the US and Canada if this actually works.


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