Thursday, March 01, 2007

Dirty Rotten Liar!

Yeah. I'm not writing all of that crazy shit down. Nu-uh. So instead, I will list all of the crazy things I've done, grouped by what night they happened. In the future, drunk/strange stories will be written in full, sometime soon after they happen. I refuse to list "Drunken phone calls" as crazy behavior, because I do that every time I get drunk without question, so its not really that bad.

First Drunk:
Removed pants
Stole ice cream/cookies from a crippled girl
Tried to have sex with said crippled girl
Threaten to beat and rape three people
Peed all over somone's bathroom
Broke the same person's futon bed
Smoked an entire pack of camel wides minus two
Tried to have sex with a girl whose boyfriend had died less than two weeks prior

Jon's House:
There are two stories about Jon's house, but I can't sort them out in my memory. Here are the things I did:
Rolled down a hill two times on purpose risking severe bodily harm each time
Picked up and carried a stranger around
Tried to have sex with Trisha, alot
Sat in the bed of my truck and talked to some bum about someone I had never met
Made out with The Sean
Cuddled with The Sean
Let someone as drunk as I was drive my truck without my supervision
I must have gotten naked at one point because I woke up in The Sean's clothes

Lemon House:
Like Jon's house, Lemon House has too many instances, most of which are boring, to recall in full. Actually, nothing crazy has ever happened to me at Lemon House, except I saw Michelle's breasts, but then again, so did everyone else. Also I ate an entire loaf of bread.

Trisha's House:
Showed The Sean my right testicle
Got in a fight with some lame bro-hoes, about calling one of them a bitch. At one point, I declared that they were murderers, seeing as they had killed my buzz. At that point they became "Buzz killing bastards!"
Peed into the pool with Michael, and crossing our streams of urine

Michael's Mom's House:
Broke my phone when i tried to swim and make phone calls on my cell phone. It never worked right again.
Got naked, more than once. We all did, I think. What's with all the male nudity? Gay.
Made a bunch of music. Called it Squelch Gun.

Josh's House:
Coughed bong water all over the living room
Nearly died in the bathroom from a coughing fit from said bong
Had a gun held to my head, which I learned later was fake
Heard about my girlfriend making out with someone, didn't care
Heard about Mike kicking my girlfriend in the face, didn't care
Had drunken sex, passed out in the middle of it, woke up sometime later, and it was still happening. My thoughts were: I can do this. The best part of wakin' up, is fuckin' dirty sluts!

Then there was desert night, soon to be a blog all unto itself. If you're a friend and you see something wrong/ommitted, gimme a heads up.

Also, re-reading those, I realize they aren't that crazy. I need better drinkin' stories.


Blogger Mean Mr. Michael said...

I'm considering doing my own drunken stories, but most of the intense ones are more sad than they are funny, so maybe not.

March 12, 2007  

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