Wednesday, August 23, 2006


I saw an add on the magic box the other day for traveling to Australia. Here are some reasons why I will never, ever go to Australia.

Seriously, that shit hole has like, four trees, and its like, a billion degrees all the time. Also, I'm pretty sure that I saw something about how that was where the hole in the Ozone layer was, so everyone there is constantly dropping dead from skin cancer. Do I need skin cancer? No. And I hate the desert.

I hate the beach, and that is essentially all that god forsaken place has to offer. They're all like "Yeah, its hot, everyone is better looking than you (but they have skin cancer, so go ahead and laugh about that), everything is poisonous, and we're surrounded by great white sharks. But we have a beach! I'm pretty sure they also have an opera house. Opera is lame. I'm not going a billion miles to listen to some lame singy-show.

I hate sharks. A lot. Seriously. Sharks and alligators both, man. Australia is full of them, kinda like how California is full of Mexicans, or how New Orleans was full of morons. Emphasis on was. Now they are dead. Serves 'em right. "We can survive this storm! Yeah! We cool!" Fucktards.

Everything deadly comes from australia. Like, 19 of the 20 deadliest snakes ceom from there. Do I need to be running from snakes all the time? No. All the spiders there are deadly too. Who needs that kind of aggrivation? Here, spiders are kinda cute. There in Australia, they are cold blooded killers. Also, did you know platypuses are poisonous? Shit man. Australia ruins everything.

Aside from their shitty accent (they totally ripped off England, the bastards), everyone in Australia is better looking than me, which means that if I go down there, then I ain't never gettin' laid. Here in America, there will always be someone 150 pounds heavier than me, which makes me feel kinda good.

Thats pretty much it. The only decent thing about Australia is the movie Quigley Down Under, and its about an American guy and a British guy, which goes to show that everyone in Hollywood hates Australian people, too. Man I hate Australia. Even the name is stupid. Egads.


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